The great thing about a nightmare is, that you wake up and as soon as you feel the bed, the sheets and your body, you know it was just a bad dream. Even though the creepy feeling still rely within your stomach, you feel the relief of knowing that the things, that just happened didn’t belong to the conscious part of the world. A few days ago I got trapped in a nightmare, which I unfortunately couldn’t wake up from.
As you might already know, I missed the start (and thereby the whole race) of the final race day at the three days long race this weekend at Cyprus. The first two stages of racing had been going extremely well, so that I could race the final day with a leading gap of approximately 5 minutes to second place. Knowing, that I was stronger than the other girls, the last race-day would be like putting icing on the cake.
The race was supposed to take place sunday at twelve o’clock, men and women racing at the same time. The day before the first day of the stage race the team-managers had been told, that they might would do two separate races instead, so that the women’s race would be held earlier on that sunday instead. That turned out to be the case, but nobody at our team was aware of that. So when we arrived at the race location around ten o’clock the women’s race was already running.
First I didn’t understand was was happening. I simply couldn’t get things making sense. The most surrealistic scenery was the moment I saw the leading girls racing by. As fast as I could, I got my clothes on and put my bike together, ready for racing. But why? There was no way, they would let me jump into the middle of the race!
Then my world fell apart. I let all the feelings go and cried like an insane.
The worst thing I know, is not having the control of the situation. And that was exactly what I didn’t have at that time.
One thing is not finishing a race, because of a mechanical accident, a crash or something else. But not finishing a race because of such a thing, as missing the time of the start is just not acceptable.
Instead of watching the race, my teammate Tatjana, her boyfriend and me took our bikes and went for a relaxing ride in the beautiful mountains. Tatjana was just as frustrated as me, and it really helped having each other to share the experience. The further away we got, the more our mood raised.
This accident has taught me a lot. First of all, I know, that I have to check up on the most important things. Second, biking isn’t everything, even though it’s a great part of my life. I have to keep in mind, that I do it, because I enjoy every small step of it. Third, to forgive instead of blame and last, but not least, to look forward.
I know, that I was the strongest girl in the race and I know, that I would have won.
Next weekend the last race of the sunshine cup is running sunday. The time untill then, I will train and enjoy our stay and on race-day I’ll go out and kick some ass